Ok, not really me, but it could have been. Even my mom thought this was a long-lost picture of me she’d never seen.
Untitled by Alex Shoykhetbrod |
Tags: 2012
Ok, not really me, but it could have been. Even my mom thought this was a long-lost picture of me she’d never seen.
Untitled by Alex Shoykhetbrod |
Tags: 2012
Three things I like about Debs Park:
Tags: postaday2011
While my family does the traditional holiday tamaleada, I have an atypical role–I’m banished from the kitchen. Apparently, I’m more hindrance than help. That’s saying something.
Tags: postaday2011
My sister loves to sing. She loves to sing, but admittedly has very little talent in this department. Despite this shortcoming, she loves Christmas because caroling is for all. She belts at the top of he lungs every “hallelujah,” every “Silent Night,” every “partridge in a pear tree.”
The height of her holiday ecstasy is Handel’s Messiah Sing-A-Long. The public event is inviting, and accepting, of all.
Imagine her surprise when one year she was told to shut up because she wasn’t very good.
This season, give a gift, and let all sing along.
Tags: holiday, postaday2011
Friend 1: My wife set up the Mr. and Mrs. Frosty on the front lawn last night. It took her three hours to do it. When she was done, I said “Honey, that’s very nice, but our boys don’t stand outside and look at them from the sidewalk. How about you turn them around and make them face into the window?”
Friend 2: Don’t you think it’s kind of creepy to have them looking in your window?
Tags: holiday, postaday2011
We were lucky enough to lose only one tree and two days of power. The rest of the neighborhood had a lot more downed trees, blown leaves, and toppled fences.
This is my favorite picture from the windstorm. This tree was full of leaves the day before, and was pretty bare the day after. I did always think those leaves made it feel overdressed. This, on the other hand, makes it look . . . um . . . like it’s flashing its fruit. More pictures here.

Tags: montecito_heights, postaday2011, windstorm
Repost of a Thanksgiving essay I wrote a few years ago.
Several years ago, my extremely practical mother decided to visit me in Philadelphia. Although she was scared that her inability to understand English might leave her stranded in Phoenix or Washington D.C. as she navigated connecting flights, she made the trek east.
Because she is practical, my mom decided to pack the 15-pound holiday turkey she’d been given as a morale boost earlier in the week by the hotel where she worked as a housekeeper. She figured that since the turkey was too big for her to eat on her own, and I wouldn’t have one in Philadelphia (I don’t normally like turkey, but I’ll eat some of it if with others), an eight-hour long flight was justified for the bird.
But, baggage handling being what it is, my mother did not want the bird to get lost. So, she packed the frozen bird into her bowling bag-style carry-on purse. Because my mother doesn’t ever travel without packing and repacking often, she packed and repacked the turkey to determine how to best carry it onto the plane. However, because she is a little clueless about the reaction of those around her to her oh-so-practical ideas, she gave remarkably little thought to the reaction an airport screener might have to the sight of a skeleton appearing on the baggage x-ray machine.
At the airport on the day of her travel, the screener waited until my mom had gone through the security line and put on her Keds, jacket, scarf, and mittens (she was, after all, going to the East Coast) before calling her over with his index finger.
“What is that?” he said as he pointed to the skeleton splayed out on the screen before him.
“Toor-kee,” my mother responded, in the one word she knew for sure she could say and which would suffice as a full explanation.
He looked at her standing there, an elderly Mexican woman with salt and pepper hair, with complete confidence in the propriety of carrying a frozen turkey onto a plane, and no clue that it was a bit odd. And then, he shrugged while he laughed through an “ok” and waved her on through the line.
She recounted the story later that day when I picked her up in Philadelphia and was a little sheepish when she figured out that he was shocked because bones in a bag might not look so safe. She worried about what this man, who’d never seen her before and who would never see her again, might think about what it said about her that she carried bones cross country.
Fortunately for my mother, the embarrassment only lasted a few hours. Her sense of knowing right from wrong and not having to be born here to learn it was confirmed when, several hours into cooking the turkey at my house, we discovered that in my haste to clean for my mother, I’d returned the knob controlling the oven’s temperature onto the stove incorrectly. Rather than cooking at 400 degrees Fahrenheit for hours, the turkey had only been cooking at 250 degrees.
And that’s when the head shaking “Ay, mija!” moment, that always seemed to follow a head shaking “Ay, mom!” moment, appeared. My mom had forgotten her retrospective embarrassment and moved onto things that she knew were real and eternal—her American-born journalist daughter might be more educated and well-traveled than she was, but she would never be as wise.
At the risk of too many successive Glee-related items, I link to this. Since my life doesn’t provide enough opportunities to sing or dance, I live vicariously.
For those of you who never thought you’d see me in this kind of outfit—here you go.

More pictures from our Halloween party here.
I’m not a pumpkin carver. It’s messy, you can lose a finger, and quite frankly, I’m not very good at it. It was with that in mind that I lamented not having the dolls I needed to create the final creepy space in my house’s Halloween decorations. No sooner than I mentioned it, the wheels turned for my mother-in-law. Within a few hours, nine dolls had been picked up at the swap meet and deposited at our place.
Below is evidence of what a few women of all ages and some markers can do in lieu of pumpkin carving.

Tags: Halloween, postaday2011
My mom gets prank-called a lot.
Some are scams, like the calls asking her to give up personal information over the phone.
Others just scare her, like those occurring just after she gets home. “Are they watching me?” she always thinks.
Yesterday, she hit on a new strategy for those calls where she just gets silence–she proclaims, in broken English, “I love you!” That cracks her up, so she then laughs hysterically into the phone.
“Dicen que es bueno reír. Pues en vez de asustarme, ahora me río.”
She cracks me up sometimes.
Tags: Mom, postaday2011
I started this year with resolutions that included trying to get into better shape. After several false starts, I finally hit upon a diet and exercise routine that worked. Forty pounds and five sizes later, I’m now faced with the side effects of my weight loss.
I’m pretty sure my mother-in-law thinks I’m dying of a horrible disease.
My 30-year-old friends and colleagues are now taking themselves to the gym. Apparently, nothing inspires a lifestyle change like having someone you always thought was big, get smaller than you.
And, most disturbingly, I seem to have lost some ferocity.
I say this because I’m finding that people are messing with me in ways they haven’t before. It’s not even people I know, it’s total strangers. This was most evident on a recent trip to New York.
While my wife, a friend, and I waited for a subway train at midnight, a drunk came up and started talking to us. In over a decade of running around in NYC, I’ve always dealt with this by putting up the “I’m ignoring you” face and this kind of “crazy” always just seemed to go away.
Not this time. After a few minutes of asking (in English and Spanish) which of us would like to make love to him, he’d made himself the focal point of this particular subway station and point in time. It made me uncomfortable so I finally said to the guy, “Dejanos en paz.” Just leave us in peace. I firmly said it over and over, figuring that at least if he knew that I could take him on in his own language he’d stop being gross.
He sneered in response, “Yo soy de El Salvador. Yo soy judio, tu no eres judia!”
I’m not exactly sure what part of my Spanish made him guess I wasn’t Jewish or why he thought that letting me know he was Jewish was going to make this whole situation any less weird. In any event, after reiterating for everyone on that train platform that I wasn’t Jewish, he stormed off.
I would have shaken the whole scene off if a day later I hadn’t been meowed at by an elderly guy in Brooklyn.
We were walking down a sidewalk in Park Slope when this unassuming little old man, who seemed to be minding his own business, stopped me mid-sidewalk, looked me up and down and meowed. Now, I have been catcalled before, but never with an actual meow.
Perhaps more than they should have, these events have shaken my faith in my own “force field.” You know the “force field,” it’s that thing you do that seems to get you through tough situations.
Mine has always been the ability to be loud and imposing–a little like an elephant flaring its ears. With the loss of this weight, I’m not sure this works for me anymore. I’m struggling with this new world and wondering how to work my hair into my new force field.
Tags: postaday2011
I know my doctor means well, but she really shouldn’t act so shocked by how healthy I am.
In speaking to my mother today, I realized she watches way too much tv.
How did I come to that conclusion? The Mexican woman who confused the words “corner” and “coroner” told me she felt like a “zombie.”
Never before in my 41 years have I heard her use the word, much less know what it means. But, she nailed it her first time out.
I can only hope she’s watching ESL classes on tv, but I fear we’ll soon be watching “Dawn of the Dead” together.
Tags: postaday2011
On the occasion of looking at my curly hair this weekend, my mom could only say, “Tu papa chino y yo china, que podia ser de ti?”
Tags: postaday2011
There’s nothing like a brush fire visible from the back deck to pull you out of the pool in a jiffy on this Fourth of July weekend.
A full set of photos and some video here. The shots include video of some water dropping helicopters.
@LAFD reported 60 firefighters, three helicopters, and no injuries via Twitter.
Tags: brush fire, interpid reporting, July, postaday2011
Reposting this story today because it is my favorite memory of this weekend.
When I was a little kid, we were too poor to afford fireworks. I suppose I can’t blame my pyrotechnic poverty just on being poor, but more on the fact that my mother didn’t think any part of the welfare check should be spent on frivolity. If we got fireworks, we didn’t get clothes, or we didn’t get food. Sure, it was a practical choice, but as a kid, you just want to rip into the hundred dollar “Independence Day” box of fireworks.
Our fireworkslessness meant that in the days leading up to the Fourth of July every year, we’d visit our more affluent friends and watch them light fireworks. Back then this annual ritual led me to conclude that socio-economic status could be identified by the characteristics of your fireworks.
If you had no color, just sound, you weren’t poor, but you weren’t living in a mansion. You lived in an apartment and shared a bedroom with a couple of siblings. The same went for fireworks with no sound, and just smoke.
If you had fireworks that were colorful, but just rolled around on the ground, you lived in one of the houses in a duplex.
If your fireworks shot color into the air, and did so while crackling, at least one of your parents had a full-time job and probably owned a house with a yard and a driveway (or at least they’d found a way to live in one).
In my family, we didn’t have any fireworks before and up to the Fourth of July. We didn’t get to light something and have sound, or color. Maybe, if we got lucky, someone handed us a sparkler. In the bad years, they handed us the punk used to light the fireworks. Yep, there’s the poor kid, the one with the smoldering ember.
Occasionally, when the sounds of Fourth of July were so muddled that you couldn’t tell the fireworks from the gunshots fired into the air, we pretended to be fireworks. I mean, if you’re a nine-year-old and you scream from a low tone to a very high one, you sound kind of like a Piccolo Pete. And besides, by nightfall, no one even knows what’s going on in neighboring yards, driveways, or streets. Everyone is just staring into the sky, looking for something to make the darkness light. That means there is no risk of being seen joining the cacophony of Independence Day sound, while in your pajamas, from just inside your apartment’s living room window.
I watched from the shadows every year until the Fifth of July. That was the day when my cousin Reggie would come over and my mom, and my sister, and my Tía Rosalba, and my other cousins, and I would go to the local park. Salt Lake Park was the one where the big neighborhood fireworks were set off, and the official, city-sanctioned Fourth of July safe zone for amateur fireworks displays.
We never went to the show on the Fourth of July. My mom was scared that going to the park after dark would make us victims of violent crime, and my Tía Rosalba was a Jehovah’s Witness. Her family didn’t celebrate the Fourth of July.
But, on the Fifth of July, Reggie, Virginia, and I made sure to take a magnifying glass to the park. Our families would stake out a spot next to a tree, drag over a picnic bench, pull out aluminum foil-wrapped burritos, and play dominoes.
Virginia, Reggie, and I headed straight for the previous night’s launching pad.
We crawled around every inch of that soccer-field sized patch of grass, looking for unused fireworks. Although not plentiful, and not colorful, little by little, we’d find some fireworks.
At first, we’d find little black charcoal disks. While we weren’t allowed to buy fireworks, and we weren’t allowed to play with matches, we did know what unused fireworks looked like, and how to start a fire without matches, so out came the magnifying glass.
We figured out the sun’s angle, and the length of time needed to create a flame, and voilà, black plumes of ash came up from the earth and “snakes” came to life.
My sister, Virginia, tore holes in the knees of her jeans and Reggie got dirt in his eyes, before we found another unused firecracker.
Lighting our fireworks became easier with each successive find. We’d get sound, and some smoke, and then we’d laugh hysterically and roll around in laughter on the charred firecracker paper and ashes left from the night before.
Although there were never more than about ten unused fireworks for us to light every year, we had gotten the chance to shoot off some fireworks after all. On the Fifth of July we had not been denied the simple pleasure of creating marvels of sound and sight.
We all knew that our scavenging hadn’t made us children of homeowners this year, but it was understood that ingenuity would get us there some year, maybe next year.
Tags: postaday2011
I’ve got guacamole fixings, limes, and enough mango con chamoy to make the lady at the register raise both eyebrows. The weekend can begin now.
My mother no longer uses the word “tall.” These days she just says los altos are “super-sized.”
We need to talk about limits on tv.
Today, I am reminded about two things I love, love, love about my mom.
First, she is intellectually curious. This manifest today as she asked me to “check” her answers to a health survey she received. If I was actually grading her, I’d give her an A-. She only misread one question. She won’t mail the survey though, because she doesn’t think her health is anyone else’s business, but she wanted to see if she tested well in reading comprehension.
Second, she makes my laugh–a lot. Her favorite way to make me laugh is to joke about how she’s not fat, she’s “just has some inflammation going.”
Tags: Mom, postaday2011
11-year-old boy: I can navigate, I have Google Maps on my phone.
Vero: I’ve got the iPad, we’re good.
11-year-old boy: I think I’ve been outed.
Us: [Silence]
Me: I think you mean “outdone,” not “outed.”
Things that amused me today:
Sometimes, that’s all it takes.
Tags: postaday2011
I don’t cook, but I know what tastes good. That qualifies me to pass judgment on a good sauce/marinade/dipping thing when I taste it.
This one is super easy and tasty beyond belief. You can marinate a steak in it, dip bread into it, or pour it over something grilled. All credit goes to “How to Grill” by Steven Raichlen (although I use more mint than he recommends and citrus vinegar instead of white vinegar).
1 packed cup washed, stemmed, fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves
1 packed cup washed, stemmed, fresh cilantro leaves
1/2 packed cup washed, stemmed fresh mint leaves
6 cloves garlic, coarsely chopped
1 teaspoon coarse salt, or more to taste
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes
1 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1/3 cup distilled white vinegar, or more to taste
1/3 cup cold water
Combine the parsley, cilantro, mint, and garlic in a food processor and finely chop. Add the salt, black pepper, and hot pepper flakes and process to blend. Add the oil, vinegar, and water and continue processing to make a thick sauce. Taste for seasoning, adding salt or vinegar as necessary; the chimichurri should be highly seasoned.
Tags: postaday2011
Today I looked at tattoos. Someday I’ll get one. But probably not until my mom can’t kill me for doing it.
Tags: postaday2011
For me it’s about work, writing, taking care of myself, and taking care of my family. The writing has gotten the short end of the stick of late. But, it’s all good.
I’m down 20 pounds and I think the family’s doing well. Not a bad outcome–for now.
Tags: postaday2011
Me: My mom called Frosted Flakes “Tony.” That meant we always had “Tony con fresas.”
Vero: We called everything Cheerios. “Hey dad, get some Frosted Flakes Cheerios. Hey dad, get some Sugar Pop Cheerios.”
Tags: postaday2011
Lo Que Dijeron