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Traicionada

4 Apr

A friend’s daughter donated blood recently.  When she was done, she waited the requisite 15 minutes, then got up to leave.  She fainted and fell into a table.  The 20-year-old woman knocked out all of her front teeth.  Her family is poor and can’t afford to pay for a bridge, and the girl is too ashamed to go to school or work. 

My mother told me this story today to remind me of how quickly life’s circumstances can change.  I, in turn, told her to take the same lesson to heart. 

She knew what I meant, and gave as her parting shot, “Es que yo no sabia que el bote de la basura era traicionero.” 

Yes, she did once happen to fall into the trash bin.  No injuries that time, but next time she might not be so lucky.

Don’t Judge Me

11 Nov

At the risk of too many successive Glee-related items, I link to this.  Since my life doesn’t provide enough opportunities to sing or dance, I live vicariously.

Arts and Crafts

24 Oct

I’m not a pumpkin carver. It’s messy, you can lose a finger, and quite frankly, I’m not very good at it. It was with that in mind that I lamented not having the dolls I needed to create the final creepy space in my house’s Halloween decorations. No sooner than I mentioned it, the wheels turned for my mother-in-law. Within a few hours, nine dolls had been picked up at the swap meet and deposited at our place.

Below is evidence of what a few women of all ages and some markers can do in lieu of pumpkin carving.
Creepy Dolls Mosaic

The Undead

24 Jul

In speaking to my mother today, I realized she watches way too much tv.
How did I come to that conclusion? The Mexican woman who confused the words “corner” and “coroner” told me she felt like a “zombie.”
Never before in my 41 years have I heard her use the word, much less know what it means. But, she nailed it her first time out.
I can only hope she’s watching ESL classes on tv, but I fear we’ll soon be watching “Dawn of the Dead” together.

Ready

1 Jul

I’ve got guacamole fixings, limes, and enough mango con chamoy to make the lady at the register raise both eyebrows. The weekend can begin now.

New Vocabulary

25 Jun

My mother no longer uses the word “tall.” These days she just says los altos are “super-sized.”

We need to talk about limits on tv.

The Teachable Moment

28 May

11-year-old boy: I can navigate, I have Google Maps on my phone.
Vero: I’ve got the iPad, we’re good.
11-year-old boy: I think I’ve been outed.
Us: [Silence]
Me: I think you mean “outdone,” not “outed.”

My Followers

12 May

A friend reminded me that those who get my comedy seem to include the technologically challenged:

“You know you are awesome when someone asks me how to twitter so they can follow @notoriouslig eres la ostia.”

Jaja.  They are a small, yet loyal bunch.

Un Look Nuevo

10 May

Every now and then my mom gets it into her head that a “look nuevo” is necessary.  I’m feeling about the same and so, the blog goes with a new look.

Overheard at the Gym

5 May

“Really, I’m ok. The welts are from acupressure, no one is beating me.”

Overheard

28 Apr

“Hey, you know that pill I told you about for your dropped foot? Well, I got the name wrong, it’s Lyrica, not Levitra. No se te vaya levantar otra cosa.”

Family Resemblance

26 Apr

“If what you ate during pregnancy determined what your kid looked like, mine would be a ramen noodle.”

Remembering Religion

24 Apr

My favorite part of the spring religious season is listening to people recount the stops on their path toward peace with the idea of faith.

Today’s story:

“I remember my mom used to take us to confession as kids, but we were kids, we didn’t have anything to confess. So, after ‘confession’ we’d compare notes on how many prayers we’d gotten and then go shove our fingers into all the candles, just so we’d have something to talk to the priest about in next week’s session.”

Angry Birds?

13 Apr

Some birds are trying to move in on my outdoor speakers. We’ve had an ongoing battle that mostly involves me interrupting the nest building before it’s done. Today, I didn’t have time for that, so I left the Classic Rock playlist going (come on Queen).
We’ll see what’s there when I get back.

Upon my return, four hours later, Tina Turner was on and no birds (or nests) were to be found.  I’ve found the answer.  Sorry, Mr. Neighbor.

La Luna Llena

19 Mar

Please, please, please don’t do anything crazy as the moon approaches its fullness.  I need to be able to tell my mom that it was normal human psychosis, not the result of something light years away.

I’m not sure if any of these are true, but here’s a link to some interesting tidbits on “scientific” correlations between the moon and crazy behavior (or at least of those in the test group).

My favorite is the one about the study finding less workplace absenteeism on a full moon day.

You Can’t Win With Mom

18 Mar

I am lucky to be healthy. At most, I’ll get a cold every couple of years. Because of this, I don’t generally visit doctors. And, that makes my mom mad. She doesn’t like that I find time for everything except for her and the doctor. With those words she can guilt me into spending time with her, but hasn’t quite been successful in getting me to the doctor, until this week.
I finally decided I should go. I happily told my mom—and she promptly accused me of being on death’s doorstep and trying to shield her from bad news. This precipitated a fight. I did exactly what she wanted and got in trouble for it.
Nunca gano.

Beyond the Bananas

26 Feb

If you go beyond the bananas at today’s opening of the Fresco community store you may end up on a billboard “anywhere in the world.” I’m getting pozole instead. Out of here.

The Aftermath

26 Feb

Last night’s storm brought an amazing amount of rain. Some of the aftermath from around Montecito Heights.

The Grammys

14 Feb

Last weekend was the Super Bowl, this weekend brought the Grammys.  Again, I lucked into tickets.

I have an admission though—I’m not a big music person.  I mean, I listen to music and I have a decent music library, but I’m not really into it.

I don’t go to a lot of concerts.  I don’t need to be the first to get a song, and I’m rarely the one discovering any new music.  I don’t even really have an ear for music.  I just viscerally like it or I don’t.

That’s probably why getting the invite to this event is slightly lost on me, but I always appreciate a good party. And that it was.

Among my observations, the red carpet was actually painted red (this enhancement stained the sagging tuxedo pants of some of the audience’s younger members).  There was a lot of spray tan on attendees.  Mick Jagger was very good (even without having to pair him up with others, as was almost everyone else who performed).  And, I still don’t understand the appeal of Justin Bieber.

The event also provided great twitter humor.  My favorite tweets of the evening:

@Brandon Millman: Cee Lo’s done gone and lost his damned mind. That’s Gaga he’s doing right now.

@melohello: Bob Dylan held together by the scotch tape of Satan. He sings with the burning rocks of hell in his throat.

@siamusic: janelle monae is my new spirit animal.

@goldengateblond: She was at the VMAs covered in meat. Now she’s at the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets and Gaga will be a Denny’s Grand Slam.

@nickiminaj: when will.i.am looks at you like “wtf are you wearing,” you have a problem.

Taking a Break

3 Feb

From the resolutions for a week. It’s for a good reason.

Felicidades Hermanita

2 Feb

My sister’s b-day is coming up. I’m wishing her a happy birthday and posting her most vivid memory of this day–when I used to send her outside to see if she could see her shadow. You know, because her b-day is on Groundhog’s Day.

I think she played along because she’s a younger and it went with the role.

Anyway, I think she’s stranded somewhere in snowpocalypse right now, so to my sis, “Go out and check the shadow, because it’s your birthday and it’s what we do!!”

Always Time For A First

16 Jan

Today’s was my sighting of the military-themed quinceanera. The seven-year-old chambelan carrying a giant sword (albeit unable to put it in its sheath) was something else.

The stretch Hummer and pictures at the park were more typical sights.

Save the Date

12 Jan

Lalo Alcaraz at a fundraiser for the Los Angeles Center for Law and Justice, February 27, 2011.

Details to come.

Solo Faltaba Un Cerillo

9 Jan

In 2004, my mother and I attended an event where Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was speaking.  During his remarks, someone behind me jumped up and started yelling at the Governor.  The shouter was forcibly removed from the audience.  That event was the first, and the last, time my mother went to a political event.  In her mind, political events were becoming too dangerous.

Today, I was with my mother when we heard the news about Rep. Giffords shooting.  My mother, who is not particularly political commented, “Solo faltaba un cerillo.”

Her point was that today’s events herald the crossing of an unfortunate line in political discourse.  I felt fear too and hope that perhaps some of those leading political discourse shed tears over what we have lost.

Christmas Memory

25 Dec

Mom: When I was little, we were so poor that one Christmas I went to all the neighbors and asked for gifts. They gave me a piece of candy, a handful of nuts, and an orange.
Me: You went trick or treating?

Strange Bedfellows

18 Dec

Checkout stand at my local grocery store. I think the corkscrew’s placement between the condoms and stamina pills and the pregnancy test is a joke. It has to be a joke. Right?

Sketchy Ice Cream Truck

26 Nov

They’re always sketchy, but considering this one has a chain on the back doors, I’d say it’s especially scary.

Out of Whack

20 Nov

My mom spends six months packing for a seven day trip.

An Observation

9 Nov

“I’m an XL. That’s my age in Roman numerals, not my shirt size.”

Snapshot of a Conversation

6 Nov

Mom: Look! How cute. A little girl and her mother having lunch together.
Me: What do you think we’re doing? We’re just 30 years older.

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